23 January 2009

I'd like you to drop me from your list...

Ever get a whole bunch of unsolicited spam email from a company? Annoying telemarketer calls? Even sign up to receive updates for a product, service, or something that might have interested you in the beginning, but you are so inundated with information that all you want to do is never hear about that product or service again?

If you're like me, then raise you hand. I'd like to be dropped from the club that no one wanted to join. The one that we all belong to, the group that has been weaved together by heartache and frustration and not giving up.

We have no secret handshakes.

We pay our dues in tears and losses and silent (and sometimes not so silent) longing.

Members never get to leave, even when, after their own struggles, they achieve what some of us have yet to accomplish - motherhood. Even then, life has been permanently altered, and forever tinged with the emotional toll of living with knowledge that we hope future generations never have to learn.

We are the ones who celebrate with close friends who announce their pregnancies in a gentle, kind way to us. We are the ones who hold other people's children carefully, staring into innocent eyes, and then handing them back to parents who may (and sometimes may not) know how lucky they are. We are the ones who may not be able to sit through a baby shower, or may have to leave the table when someone complains about motherhood.

We are those who roll their eyes, shake their heads, grimace, scream, and laugh hysterically when someone is thoughtless and disparages the struggle we have endured.

Our membership roll call is not announced by cutsy pink or blue announcement with pictures and ultrasounds, but rather clinical printouts and tissues.

No one wants to be in this club. I certainly don't.

However, this band of sisters who rally together... no finer group of women.

So, today, I will wear my badge. I will make my pledge, with hand on heart.

I promise...
To be true to myself,
To be mindful of others,
To keep close in mind and spirit,
Those who support me,
And watch over those who need my support,

Which is all of us,
All the time.


Cara said...

Ms Monkey - you write like a woman after my own heart - oh wait - you know my heart.

And THAT is the true induction to this horrendous club. The fact that by looking deep into each others eyes we can know each other's hearts, because the raw grief is that real.

Your post reminded me of one I wrote a while ago (http://buildingheavenlybridges.blogspot.com/2008/11/signs-and-symbols.html) and has also reminded me of another one I have been intending to write.

in grief and love

Bluebird said...

I have never seen such a wonderfully written post. It so perfectly sums up our reality. Thank you so much for sharing.

Michelle said...

Beautiful! Simply beautiful! I have taken the oath myself. Thank you!

Katie said...

I'm making my badge now. Hello my name is... Katie and I want a baby!
We are a sisterhood bound to this and each other for life. We are lucky to have this private yet public way of being honest and supportive about a topic that not long ago was taboo. I'm a member of the club, and am proud of each member and what they've gone through to get here. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Barbara said...

I'd like to raise my hand...

And thank you for writing so beautifully.

I wrote about this awful club too when I first became a member: